a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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