Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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