my mouth tastes like poor choices
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
