So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
