This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
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You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
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who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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