Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
