Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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