like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
