her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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