when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
