i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think people are normalizing furries
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
