Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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