Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize