Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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