I can text with my tongue
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
