you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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