grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
