I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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