If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
