I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
