make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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