Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
