By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
