i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
