It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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