I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
