I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize