They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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