Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize