i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
