you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
