yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
