My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
