Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
