I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
