Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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