I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
