Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
