i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
my liver is dry heaving
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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