So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
