Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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