So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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