Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
