OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
