it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
