Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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