She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
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I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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