covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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