YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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