Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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