just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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