I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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