Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
