i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
