Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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