Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
